Do you feel it? That uncontrollable sense of dread? That tingling at the base of your spine? You do? You should really see a physician. I know you've been putting it off, but it's time to get that checked out. Anyway, it's that time of year. When spirits commune with the living and you can smell the evil in the air. Why it's none other than Hodgepodgeoween! Yes, Hodgepodgeoween, one of the Hodgepodge Society's most important holidays. A holiday dedicated to generating scares and doling out free candy to young street toughs. We are enormous fans of Hodgepodgeoween and it was the Pittsburgh Chapter's most esteemed honor to host the Hodgepodgeoween party this year!

With an audience full of Pittsburghers clad in their favorite costumes, and several Hodgepodge Society Members in attendence the Hodgepodgeoween festivites were shaping up to be some of the best yet...until, the emmisary from the MishMash Brotherhood showed up. Yes, thanks to a shaky treaty between our two philosophically opposed organizations, we had to invite Lord Provost Everett McNewton McCalkins of Brigadoon. We hate having to deal with the MishMash brotherhood, but if it temporarily prevents bloodshed, well, then I guess we're all fo it...I suppose. The evening moved on, but what would a Hodgepodgeoween celebration be without costumes?!

Sir Joseph and Lord Robert, thanks to their insistence on not communicating with each other outside of performances, both came dressed in the same costumes. First they were Anthony Hopkins from The Remains of the Day. Then, under that costume, they were dismayed to find that had both dressed up as famed Bilbo Baggins song writer Leonard Nimoy. Then under that, they were both dressed as literary powerhouse, William Shatner. Sir Joseph then took off his shirt entirely, much to the chagrin of the fellas...and the ladies, and then opted to stay with the Spock shirt. The other Hodgepodgers were in costume too!

Chancellor Bradford Keller DDS, who clearly forgot that it was Hodgepodgeoween, came dressed as a serial killer without thumbs who just looks like everyone else. The enigmatic Mistress Bernadette Ulsamer St. Claire came as accomplished thespian, Lindsay Lohan, complete with "fire crotch". And finally, the Hodgepodge Society representative from West Virginia, Deputy Joshua "Bottle Chuckin'" Futrell PhD, came dressed as the most terrifying thing he could think of...a college graduate. And finally the crapbag from the MishMash Brotherhood didn't wear a costume, because it could potentailly cause joy in someone. Jerk.

After the costumes were out of the way, the evening could begin on its terrifying journey. Sir Joseph and Lord Robert instructed the audience on the history of Halloween and Chancellor Bradford took us through the terrifying tale of the Curse of the Were-Hamster. That was rough. A couple of people fainted and/or gave birth after that one. Then the Hodgepodge Society held an instructional session on the proper way to Trick-or-Treat. Tricking and Treating is the single most potent way to celebrate Hodgepodgeoween and there is definately a right way and a not right way to do it and the Hodgepodge Society considers themselves experts on the topic.

While going through the proper way to Trick-or-Treat, Lord Robert, accidentally got some sort of a poisoned dart in his neck. Now typically, this happens about every other Thursday. It's true. That guy has more enemies than Mother Theresa's evil twin, Gorgo. But this was no ordinary poisoned dart. Oh no! This dart happened to be fired by that creep from the MishMash Brotherhood and was laced with Lithuanian hamster toxin! This was not going to turn out well, but we were in the middle of a show, gosh darn it! You know the old saying, "the show must go on even though someone could potentially turn into a half man/half hamster type creature."

In order to distract everyone from the impending nibbling by Lord Robert they would undoubtedly receive, Deputy Joshua played a wonderful song for everyone to enjoy. You can even enjoy it yourself by scrolling to the bottom of this page or by clicking right HERE. Then Lord Robert, Sir Joseph, Mistress Bernadette, and Chancellor Bradford read from the notes they passed to each other when they were both young and creepy in high school. It appeared as if we would be able to make it through the show. It looked like Lord Robert's hamsterlyanthropy would be able to hold itself off long enough for the audience to leave and for Sir Joesph to find a big enough shoebox to bury him in. But alas, like naked guy at Burning Man, Lord Robert was about to leave little pellets all over our lovely evening.

After the Hodgepodge Society toast, it was clear that some sort of exorcism had to take place. With Mistress Bernadette's mystical book of mystical mystics and a flask full of Deputy Joshua's "church juice", we tried our hardest to do war with the evil Lithuanian hamster spirit. But alas, it wasn't working. We tried to find a virgin to sacrifice, but we're pretty sure Lord Robert was the only one and it's problematic to scarifice someone so that you can save them. Finally, in a last ditch effort to save him, Mistress Bernadette had everyone join in a rousing chorus of "This Land Is My Land". Fortunately, the only verse and a half that we knew was enough to destroy the evil hamster spirit and bring safety back to the Hodgepodge Society!

At that point, another wonderful Hodgepodgeoween had come to an end. It was a night full of scares and chills and adult situations and we couldn't have been happier with it. That audience was wonderful and their costumes were terrifying...to the point of pants wetting in some cases. Hodgepodgeoween was a ghoulishly good time and the Pittsburgh Chapter hopes they get the honor of hosting it again next year. So please scroll down to the bottom of the page and enjoy the wealth of pictures that were taken that evening. So lock your doors, rub yourselves in garlic and try to sleep tight. Mwahahahahaha!!!...I'm seriously not kidding about the garlic thing.

Enjoy this clip of Deputy Joshua "Bottle Chuckin'" Futrell PhD's musical performance at Hodgepodgeowen! Make sure you don't watch this clip with the lights off. Thanks to Jessica Coen of JCo Video for the clip!