As told to one Hodgepodge Society Member by another, for generations since the inception of our noble group. It is now presented for you to enjoy, absorb, follow, print out and post in all places both public and private, from restrooms to concert halls.
And now our Mission Statement in it’s entirety.*
The truths and facts contained herein will change you forever, leaving permanent emotional scars that will rewrite your very DNA, causing this document to be engrained in the memories of your children’s children’s children. It will end there and then your great-great-grandchildren must reread this document in order to extend the effect.
We are the Hodgepodge Society. We are a clandestine organization that is as old as time itself…or we may very well be older than time, we’re not sure, but as soon as we figure out a scientific way to measure time in the absence of time, we’ll revise this document.
The main goal of the Hodgepodge Society is to change the course of human events through humor and the furthering of humorous thought. For it is only through humor that mankind may gain true supremacy over the apes, felines, and hyper-advanced trees. humor! Humanity’s greatest friend, as well as its greatest weapon! Were it not for humor, the world would descend into chaos, with spontaneous riots and devastating lava flows. And who wants that?
It is this undeniable need for humor, in every corner of the globe, that the Hodgepodge Society exists. We are in every drawing room and in every bordello, sucking on the rim of every champagne flute and deposing statesmen with a single telegram commenting on his personal hygiene and how his Mama be so fat. Were it not for the Hodgepodge Society, humor would have gone the way of the Dodo, and the word “Dodo” just wouldn’t be that funny (heh, heh, dodo).
If there is salvation in humor, then the Hodgepodge Society shall be the saviors. Through developments in all things humorous, from gags to puns, from jokes to witticisms, from pratfalls to serious neurological damage, the Hodgepodge Society will, at all costs, ensure a funnier tomorrow, when you talk about today, when today becomes yesterday. For that is who we are and that is what we do.
May all those who stand in our way fall prey to the death of a thousand cobras. May all those who choose to stand beside us, stand triumphant in victory with a humorous study in their hands and a dirty limerick in their hearts. No matter how long the fight or how thorough the beating; we will find victory through laughter and enormous amounts of the funny ha-ha.
Consider this your warning. Your call to arms and your check “yes” or “no” if you love us. The Hodgepodge Society is here and we will be here until the end of all things (which we may or may not have a hand in…), laughing all of the way.
The Hodgepodge Society
Librarius Est Plenus Pix
*This document is in no way final, nor will it ever be final. It has been revised updated and modified for years and will continue to do so as society changes along with our iron will…all while we remove the things we…you know…kind of regret. (i.e. the removal of key phrases like “Messiahs”, “hysterical volcano eruptions”, “race wars” and “Creationism”) This mission statement is not much unlike a virus, constantly changing and adapting to the environment it creates. An original copy of this mission statement, first drafted on papyrus somewhere near Mesopotamia can be located in the Hodgepodge Society’s master library, located 400 feet blow the surface of the Earth, near Kyoto, Japan. The original copy is there for you to read if you are a Hodgepodge Society member, are skilled as a samurai and can answer our high elder’s questions three. It’s standard practice really.